From: owner-aml-list-digest@lists.xmission.com (aml-list-digest) To: aml-list-digest@lists.xmission.com Subject: aml-list-digest V1 #819 Reply-To: aml-list Sender: owner-aml-list-digest@lists.xmission.com Errors-To: owner-aml-list-digest@lists.xmission.com Precedence: bulk aml-list-digest Tuesday, September 3 2002 Volume 01 : Number 819 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Fri, 30 Aug 2002 09:45:19 -0700 From: JLTyner Subject: Re: [AML] BYU Education Week Event I think the problem with this presentation for me is this: Far too often these demonstrations are supposedly some sort of outward showing of wonderous spiritual growth and sometimes come off looking like the Pharisees showing off their righteousness. Why the necessity of smashing the CDs in front of everybody? Why not just mention in a discussion of music having thrown them away? That's still a sacrifice of getting rid of something that one feels is not contributing to one's spiritual growth. I gues the other thing I immediately thought of and would've grilled this guy about is other things about these young men he calls leaders. As football players do they play fair out on the practice field and during a game? How has getting rid of this music affected their aggressive nature out on the field? How do they treat other people in general? Do they still hang only with other jocks, cheerleaders, and other popular kids in the tight little cliques teens do, especially Mormon kids? Or do they reach out to others that are different and not so popular? Even daring to be seen with them, maybe eat lunch with them? Or only if that kid is assigned as a project by the adults? Do they do service on their own, or only show up to the service projects arranged by their leaders? Or do they show up to them? Does sports practice interfere with that? And do their leaders give them a pass because of the importance sports are given in LDS culture? Those are the questions I would have about all this. To me, it's more important how one treats others than smashing CDs, DVDs, Videos or whatever. These young men might be all that I mention above that I would like too see as positive behavior and still be excited about smashing CDs. Or am I expecting too much of teenagers to expect them to try and be this kind to other people? Kathy Tyner Orange County, CA - -- AML-List, a mailing list for the discussion of Mormon literature ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 30 Aug 2002 10:54:09 -0600 From: "Eric R. Samuelsen" Subject: Re: [AML] Lousy Movies And MST3K is brilliiant, and its demise leaves a real void. But they = didn't do horrid slasher films and horrid westerns and horrid beach = movies. Too bad. Eric Samuelsen - -- AML-List, a mailing list for the discussion of Mormon literature ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 30 Aug 2002 13:26:05 EDT From: RichardDutcher@aol.com Subject: Re: [AML] Lousy Movies In response to Jim's post, I'd like to throw out some praise for two recent supernatural thrillers (horror movies): "The Others." Great ghost story. Very well executed. "Frailty." This movie, directed by Bill Paxton, is my favorite film (so far) this year. It is, in my opinion, a must-see for any writer or director planning to make any religious-themed film. You may not like it, but you'll love talking about it. It comes out on video/dvd in a few weeks. Oh yeah. One more recommendation: "Signs." I'd rather see a well-made horror/thriller/alien movie than a poorly-made film any day. Except for those great Christopher Lee "Dracula" movies from the 1960's. They still scare the bejeebies out of me. Richard Dutcher Richard Dutcher - -- AML-List, a mailing list for the discussion of Mormon literature ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 30 Aug 2002 11:54:17 -0600 From: "Jacob Proffitt" Subject: RE: [AML] BYU Education Week Event > Snipping of the rest, how is this any different that Christ's > NT teachings "If thy eye offend thee, pluck it out" and > similar quotes. > > I have had times when I have had to get rid of a CD or a book > I felt was not personally enriching me. I think its a good > principle, as long as specific CDs aren't condemned. If he > just condemns "CDs that don't invite the spirit" he's made it > general enough to allow each person to make their own decision. Certainly. I agree that some things are better off not on our shelves. And getting rid of them is appropriate if they are there. But this isn't an individual action, it's a form of peer pressure with a sort of demonstrative, competitive righteousness. It's the difference between praying in your "closet" and praying in the street for all to hear how righteous you are. It's equivalent to giving to the poor with fanfares and great shows to draw attention. The action of divesting of things that are antagonistic to the spirit is a laudable goal. What I dislike is this public orgy of destruction and setting the level of destruction as anything that doesn't actively "invite the Spirit." It leaves me deeply uneasy. > Sounds to me more like making NT teachings relevant to modern > times, not groupthink. If it were just teaching, I'd agree. But it isn't. It's a show. It's Gallagher gone seminary. Jacob Proffitt - -- AML-List, a mailing list for the discussion of Mormon literature ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 30 Aug 2002 11:56:08 -0600 From: "Clark Goble" Subject: [AML] Brewvies Brewvies is a theatre in SLC that has tables in front of the seats. You can order pasta, pizza and so forth. The name comes from the fact they also have a brewery there, so you could (were you non-Mormon) order beer as well. There are also pool tables and so forth. It's a real cool atmosphere and in the back of the theatre are couches where you also can sit. Here's a list of movies playing there right now. http://deseretnews.com/movies/theater/view/1,1260,128,00.html - -- Clark Goble --- clark@lextek.com ----------------------------- - -- AML-List, a mailing list for the discussion of Mormon literature ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 30 Aug 2002 10:52:28 -0600 From: "Eric R. Samuelsen" Subject: Re: [AML] Democratization of Opinions Look, I think maybe I didn't state my views on this subject very clearly. = I'm in favor of the democratization of opinion. I think it's good and = healthy and an altogher admirable phenomenon. But I also think we're = mistaken if we presume that so-called experts don't have anything to teach = us. We run into this all the time where I work. In our department, we have = film scholars, all of whom are dear, life-long friends, and folks for whom = I have tremendous admiration. And they know more about film than anyone. = They've studied this art form all their lives. And they talk to folks = and, say, they recommend a good flick. And instantly the people to whom = they're talking say 'that's a terrible movie! How can you like that." = And instantly, their credibility is shot. Because, hey, I saw that film = and it was bad and end of story. Same thing is true when it comes to literary criticism. It's nonsense to = think that I could possibly know as much about, say, Shakespeare as Bruce = Young does, or as Rick Duerden does. Maybe I have a slightly different, = less informed, perhaps, but not uninformed opinion regarding some play. I = think it's incumbent on me to listen carefully to what they have to say = about it, because that's the only way I can learn. So what do we do with = someone who says 'I don't like Shakespeare. He's boring.' That's a valid = opinion too, but not a very informed one, and not one that's going to lead = to dialogue or learning. =20 This is what I'm saying. We all read books and we all respond to them, = and we all watch movies and listen to music and respond to those as well. = And we have life experiences that allow us a unique personal perspective = on those texts. Can't we do two things simultaneously? Can't we first of = all recognize that a lifetime spent studying certain texts does, in fact, = confer a certain level of expertise and a certain point of view which it = behooves us, in all humility, to listen to? And also, simultaneously, = can't we also recognize that our encounter with those texts is unique and = personal, and confers a certain level of expertise and a certain point of = view that is also valuable, and that it also behooves us to, in all = humility, to listen to? Eric Samuelsen - -- AML-List, a mailing list for the discussion of Mormon literature ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 30 Aug 2002 16:00:56 -0500 (CDT) From: Rich Hammett Subject: [AML] Re: Text as Authority [MOD: Rich cites a literary tie-in later in this post. However, we should be aware that we're getting close to the edge in terms of on-topic discussions for AML-List. Just as a reminder, let me quote here the relevant sections of AML-List guidelines, and invite us all to keep this in mind as we post on this (and other) threads: 2. THE TOPIC IS LITERATURE It is not politics, pet peeves, the general authorities, or the doctrines or policies of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (except as they affect how Latter-day Saints read and write). State your opinions frankly, but stick to literary judgments. [snip] Not every post submitted makes it to the list. A post may be bumped: [...] If it *veers too far into Church doctrine, policy, or the opinions of the General Authorities.* It may be appropriate to discuss these in relation to specific literary works, market conditions, etc., but when the conversation turns to establishing just what those doctrines and opinions are, or whether you think they're justified, that discussion belongs on another list. It is never appropriate to attack or belittle the religious beliefs of another, or to use religious beliefs to condemn or suppress the opinions of another. Thanks again. Back to Rich...] On Thu, 29 Aug 2002, Scott Parkin wrote: > I would like for Thom to offer the source for the civil rights/communist > plot statement so we can have a text to analyze. Right now I'm granting the > point that a GA said it, because I know of at least one politically active > GA who made a lot of fairly inflammatory partisan political statements while > he served in a cabinet position in the U.S. government. I accept it as > entirely possible this GA made such a statement. This is not a very good source, IMO, but it points to an original source: On the page http://www.lds-mormon.com/racism.shtml , a quote is given from the GA you are thinking of. He gives a reference of the "General Conference Report, October 1967, p. 38". The paragraphs quoted here seem to say the entire civil rights movement is a Communist plot, but, like you, I'd rather read the entire article from the original source. > What I don't know is either the immediate or general context of the > statement, the intended audience, and whether the statement was later > offered as doctrine by the Church or was reprinted in an official > publication of the Church (thus lending it authority as doctrine). As such, > it becomes hard to discuss except in the most broad conceptual terms. [snip] > I can't argue with that. We're told that the Ensign is a sort of adjunct > scripture, a recording of the wisdom of modern prophets, such that the words > that appear in the Ensign do carry more weight of authority. Which is part > of why I'd like Thom to produce his reference, because if the unnamed GA's > words weren't offered as pseudo-scripture in an official publication of the > Church, I think the GA's base opinions are completely arguable. This quote, if it holds up, seems to be as authoritative as modern scripture gets. > More importantly, the anecdote was offered in an effort to support the idea > that the institutional Church was aggressively racist, and I'm not sure > that's a fair characterization based on the other words offered by the > general authorities of the Church at the time. While the Church defended the > policy on the basis of scriptures we have now come to understand > differently, the broad message delivered by the general authorities was one > of love, charity, and compassion regardless of race or national origin. Even > during WWII the Church leaders were either silent on the intense racial > animus shown to people of Japanese origin, or they preached tolerance and > charity. WWII was _not_ the Church's finest hour, in Utah, in California, nor in Germany. > It just seems less like institutional hate and more like an attempt to do > the right thing as they understood it. More on the inherent authority of > texts toward the end of this post... [snip a great deal] For an institution, I'm not sure there's a difference. Or for the individuals involved. If ETB's doing what was right caused or allowed great harm to continue upon African-Americans, when another course was available, is that better or worse than institutional hate? If the leaders' political biases so blinded them to the suffering of actual, visible people, does that not indicate a problem somewhere? To bring this back to literature, to me this shows the necessity of the loyal opposition, like the Sunstone community. People who can explore alternatives in literature. There's always the chance that people with opposing views can learn something from each other. And I think the insitutional Church may have learned this lesson, although it's hard for me to see much out in the "mission field". rich - -- \ Rich Hammett http://home.hiwaay.net/~rhammett / rhammett@HiWAAY.net "Better the pride that resides / in a citizen of the world; \ than the pride that divides / when a colorful rag is unfurled." - -- AML-List, a mailing list for the discussion of Mormon literature ------------------------------ Date: Fri, 30 Aug 2002 18:48:53 -0500 From: Ronn Blankenship Subject: Re: [AML] "Profane" Settings for Religious Thought At 09:43 AM 8/29/02, Rich Hammett wrote: >This author takes an awfully narrow position about music, >though. He seems to be quite shocked at a hymn text being >used in a pop song, "By the Waters of Babylon" over acoustic >pop. Would this be the version by Don McLean or someone else? >This question seems particularly odd: "Does it ever do any >good to present religious thought in a profane setting?" He >also wonders if there can ever be an end to that debate. (1) Raise your hand if you have ever prayed and gotten an answer while in the bathroom. (2) Raise your other hand if you ever went into the bathroom specifically for the purpose of praying because there was nowhere else available at that moment that offered sufficient privacy. Amen. - --Ronn! :) I always knew that I would see the first man on the Moon. I never dreamed that I would see the last. --Dr. Jerry Pournelle - -- AML-List, a mailing list for the discussion of Mormon literature ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 31 Aug 2002 01:15:23 -0600 From: "D. Michael Martindale" Subject: Re: [AML] Church History Recommendations? Scott Parkin wrote: > But I have heard the argument on this list many times that the odd responses > of readers should not be blamed on the author--that the author is not > responsible for readers who don't understand the author's devices--so I'm > not sure why Lund should be the special recipient of blame because some of > his readers fail to see where the lines between history and fiction are. A > great many people take Oliver Stone seriously, and I still can't figure out > why. Well, one difference between the two is that Lund states explicitly in his book that the Steeds are fictional, whereas Oliver Stone continues to insist that his "historical" films are accurate. - -- D. Michael Martindale dmichael@wwno.com ================================== Check out Worldsmiths, the new online LDS writers group, at http://www.wwno.com/worldsmiths Sponsored by Worlds Without Number http://www.wwno.com ================================== - -- AML-List, a mailing list for the discussion of Mormon literature ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 31 Aug 2002 02:26:23 -0400 From: lwilkins@fas.harvard.edu Subject: Re: [AML] Course on Mormon Poetry Ah, now that I know you are planning to cover the 20th century, I can put in a plug for one of my personal favorites... May Swenson. She didn't write for a Mormon audience, but she made her mark as a major American poet during the 1950s. She was no longer a practicing Mormon at some point (before or after leaving her hometown of Logan?), spent most of her life in NYC, and was a lesbian with a long-time partner in New York. Her work is frequently included in anthologies of American poetry, and I think someone should make a case for considering her work in a Mormon context. Two other poets who are living I hope you'll consider: Lisa Bickmore (her book of poetry _Haste_ is quite amazing, and I know she consciously works with the spiritual aspects of day-to-day life), and Timothy Liu. I think Eugene England included him in his anthology of Mormon poets, but he seems not to get a lot of attention in the Mormon context. I would love to see what you end up with for your official version of the course. And if you have an argument for or against including in your course well-known poets who are not practicing Mormons and whose work is not overtly Mormon, I would love to see a thread spin off on this topic. - --Laraine Wilkins - -- AML-List, a mailing list for the discussion of Mormon literature ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 31 Aug 2002 01:21:38 -0600 From: "D. Michael Martindale" Subject: Re: [AML] BYU Education Week Event Ivan Angus Wolfe wrote: > Snipping of the rest, how is this any different that Christ's NT teachings "If > thy eye offend thee, pluck it out" and similar quotes. > > I have had times when I have had to get rid of a CD or a book I felt was not > personally enriching me. I think its a good principle, as long as specific CDs > aren't condemned. If he just condemns "CDs that don't invite the spirit" he's > made it general enough to allow each person to make their own decision. > > Sounds to me more like making NT teachings relevant to modern times, not > groupthink. If they were burning books instead of smashing CDs, would you feel different? - -- D. Michael Martindale dmichael@wwno.com ================================== Check out Worldsmiths, the new online LDS writers group, at http://www.wwno.com/worldsmiths Sponsored by Worlds Without Number http://www.wwno.com ================================== - -- AML-List, a mailing list for the discussion of Mormon literature ------------------------------ Date: Sat, 31 Aug 2002 13:12:15 -0500 From: Linda Adams Subject: Re: [AML] Linda Adams Irreantum Interview Gosh, Chris, should we cancel? Nobody seems interested! Linda At 04:40 PM 8/21/02, you wrote: >Hey, Irreantum magazine is working on an interview with Linda Adams, author >of _Prodigal Journey_ as well as short fiction and poetry. > >Do any AML-Listers want to recommend interview questions we could ask Linda, >whether general literary concerns or more focused on her particular work? > >If so, let 'em fly. Thanks. > >Chris Bigelow - -- AML-List, a mailing list for the discussion of Mormon literature ------------------------------ Date: Sun, 1 Sep 2002 21:30:13 -0600 From: "Paris Anderson" Subject: [AML] DUTCHER, _Brigham City_ I don't know if this could be considered a review, a piece of fan mail = or an invitation to discuss a very profound and disturbing theme I found = in the movie. But Friday my wife rented the video of Brigham City, and = we stayed up late to watch it. At first it was hard to get into. The setting was too familiar, the = characters were too familiar and predictable--some of the actors were = people I knew. It's that "Can anything good come from Nazareth?" thing. = Or if you prefer, "No prophet is without honor except in his hometown = and among his friends." (Not exact quotes.) But after awhile I was = drawn into the movie and suspended reality. I was charmed by the = acting, the story and everything else that goes with a movie. It wasn't until the last scene that it became personal to me, that it = touched me, that I related so strongly with one of the charactor's = reactions that I felt my deepest, darkest secrets were being exposed. In that scene Bishop Dutcher is reluctant to go to sacrament meeting, = and then he refuses to take the sacrament--as if he feels unworthy. = That's pretty close to Stokholm syndrome--when the victom, in a moment = of terror, comes to identify with his persecuters and make them his = friends. I believe, in Bishop Dutcher's case, he came to identify with = the filth and horror in his environment. And that's what made him = unworthy. That is my secret, and I didn't appreciate Bishop Dutcher = pulling down my pants in public. I published an essay in Irreantum last summer that addressed that same = theme. The theme wasn't developed and expressed very well, mainly = because I hadn't thought much about it. It was under the surface. But = since the WTC thing I've really had to confront the idea. I've come to = realize it's just a quirk of the human mind--the fact that I've = internalized the filth and violence of my former environment and now = feel dirty myself. I know it's nothing but a phantom--not even a well = defined idea--but I can't shake it. I guess it's just one of those things--gonna have to keep doing my thing = and hope it don't come to the surface much anymore. I know some things = don't go away--no matter how much you pray . . . no matter how much you = drink. Some things are just going to ride you until you die. Does anyone else have these kind of phantoms? or is it just me and = Bishop Dutcher. If as how do you deal with them? Paris Anderson - -- AML-List, a mailing list for the discussion of Mormon literature ------------------------------ Date: Mon, 02 Sep 2002 06:41:20 +0000 From: "Andrew Hall" Subject: [AML] Carol Lynn Pearson (SL Tribune) Mormon feminist chronicles a work of hope Saturday, August 31, 2002 BY HILARY GROUTAGE SMITH THE SALT LAKE TRIBUNE It was 1987 when Mormon feminist Carol Lynn Pearson first offered a glimpse into her life. Then, it was a book about her gay husband, who left her and then came home to be cared for as he died of AIDS. Today, it is the story of her 21-year old daughter's death from a brain tumor. All those years ago, Pearson's Mormon faith carried her through, as she wrote in Goodbye, I Love You. Since then, however, she has merged Mormonism with mystical, New Age teachings that have helped her make sense of her daughter Katy's death in 1999. Her new chronicle, Consider the Butterfly, Transforming Your Life Through Meaningful Coincidence, is due out early next month. Pearson's work is familiar to many members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, particularly women. Besides her books and collections of poetry, she has performed her one-woman play Mother Wove the Morning more than 300 times. Sorrow aside, the new book is a work of hope, Pearson says - -- hope that small events acknowledged every day will yield a map of how to live. That is not to say the loss of her husband and now her daughter has not profoundly affected her. There was a time, Pearson said, when she felt utterly defeated, felled by a cosmic kick in the gut. "It's a combination of effort and grace that keeps you going," she said during a recent interview in Sandy. "Either you get up in the morning or you don't. There is a certain amount of grace flowing through life when you can say 'OK, I can do anything for one more day.' " The way Pearson has it figured, life is like a whitewater rafting trip. "We pay big money for the trip. All we know is that we're each on a raft and our children, husband, wife and friends are all on their own, different rafts," she says. "We can wave, say hi and tell everyone there's some rough water ahead, but in the end, everyone gets knocked off. We all have to die." The latest book grew in part from the journal entries she writes every day. "You can find books that are perhaps more dramatic, but these are stories that happened to me," she says. "One person, going about my life." There is the story of a friend who quits his job to live a more contemplative life, but loses everything and winds up indigent and ill. Pearson writes of her frustration with her friend and the aimlessness of his life when, at the moment of the thought, she meets a cheery homeless man on the streets of San Francisco. They ride the bus together, and she decides her friend will figure things out, that he will be fine. And he does, and he is. The book's title comes from the recurring image of butterflies around the time of her daughter's death. They were on a filmy white scarf she and her daughter, Emily, bought to cover Katy's arms in the coffin so the IV punctures wouldn't show; there was a butterfly that arrived on her deck and stayed for days following the funeral, and one day she discovered a storybook full of butterflies she was reading to her granddaughters. A closer look revealed Katy's childish first- grade writing in it. "This book belongs to Katy Pearson," she had scrawled. Rather than have the butterflies represent a sad reminder that her daughter was no longer on Earth, Pearson chose to take them as a sign that her daughter's spirit was still lingering around her. "Butterflies, I know, are believed to carry spiritual messages between the living and the dead, and the Greek word for butterfly is the same as the word for soul," she writes. "The butterfly is the only creature that changes its DNA in the process of transformation; the one that flies from the chrysalis is not the same being as the one that entered." If there is one lesson she can offer, Pearson said, it is to pay attention to intuition. Writing about it certainly doesn't hurt, either. Decades of journal entries are more useful than years of therapy, she says. "Start listening to the voice inside rather than the one outside," she says. "We've all been conditioned to listen to them out there more than in here. Synchronicity is the universe sending us a message and not filtering it. This book is kind of like Mormonism meets New Age thought." Like all her work, the most recent addresses her life as a Mormon who continues to be intrigued by the role of women in scripture. It is with fondness she talks of her church leaders in Walnut Creek, Calif. She holds callings in the Relief Society and frequently is asked to speak to her congregation, most recently on Mother's Day when she gave a presentation about women in Christ's life. "The church will always play a role in my life," Pearson says. "But I have become a cautious enthusiast of the New Age stuff. I don't want anyone to think this is scary. It isn't." Copyright 2002, The Salt Lake Tribune _________________________________________________________________ Send and receive Hotmail on your mobile device: http://mobile.msn.com - -- AML-List, a mailing list for the discussion of Mormon literature ------------------------------ Date: Mon, 2 Sep 2002 14:02:39 -0600 From: "Annette Lyon" Subject: Re: [AML] Teaching Literary Devices Etc. How's Christopher Paul Curtis (I think that's his name) for a black male author for young adults? I haven't read all his work, but I've liked what I've read. He's very good and has won lots of awards, including the Coretta Scott King award and either the Newberry or a Newberry honor for _The Watsons Go to Birmingham--1965_. Excellent book that includes the story of the Birmingham church bombing. Annette Lyon - -- AML-List, a mailing list for the discussion of Mormon literature ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 3 Sep 2002 12:53:57 -0600 From: owner-aml-list@lists.xmission.com Subject: [none] om> From: Christopher Bigelow To: "'aml-list@lists.xmission.com'" Subject: [AML] Kurt Bestor Profile Date: Tue, 3 Sep 2002 09:14:51 -0600=20 X-Mailer: Internet Mail Service (5.5.2653.19) Sender: owner-aml-list@lists.xmission.com Precedence: bulk Reply-To: aml-list [MOD: Much thanks to Chris for forwarding this thought-provoking article.] Following is another high-quality profile by Deseret News writer Doug Robinson, who did such deep, revealing profiles of Sheri Dew and Richard Dutcher in the past year or so. This profile of Kurt Bestor is interesting because, although not directly related to Mormon letters, it shows insight into a creative person within the Mormon culture and demonstrates unusual frankness for a Church-owned publication. Anyway, sometimes we do talk about Mormon music on this list, and Bestor does write lyrics, which are a form of Mormon literature. It's fairly long, but highly interesting, and it does not stint on personally revealing details, particularly later in the piece. [Chris Bigelow] The following story appeared on deseretnews.com on September 01, 2002. =3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D=3D Headline: Kurt Bestor: Private discord, public acclaim Subhead: Chasing his muse has given him much turmoil Author: By Doug Robinson Deseret News senior writer Kurt Bestor has spent most of his adult life trying to be a family man who brought home a paycheck while also trying to court his muse, as he calls it, but this morning there is no such conflict. He and his muse are sharing a cabin and making beautiful music together. He wrote one song today. He wrote another one the previous day, and another one the day before that. The music seems to be right there in the mountains and the deep pine forests. Sitting at a baby grand piano in a cabin high above Sundance Ski Resort, he closes his eyes and tunes in his muse, the intoxicating, demanding mistress that has both uplifted and upended his life. For nearly two decades Bestor has been a successful and versatile musician and a celebrity Mormon, but the public perception and the private reality have been at odds for years. He is twice divorced and uncertain of his Mormon beliefs, and some of that personal pain is turning up in his music. Today, he is trying to paint a musical picture of an aimless drive he once took in the throes of agony that eventually brought him to the Canadian border in Montana. He sits at the piano and begins playing "Northbound to Nowhere." "This has a certain uncertainty to it -- like, what am I going to do? What road should I take?" he says, his fingers moving over the keys, the left hand occasionally stopping to lead an imaginary orchestra. "Now I'm driving. I'm driving to Montana," he says, and the music does convey a sense of moving down the black ribbon of a highway. "I'll have the strings come in here." He plays on, eyes closed, face scrunched up. "After awhile, I don't even know where I am. Now I'm in a state of contemplation, my thoughts are racing . . ." Bestor has moved into the rented cabin alone to escape distraction and concentrate on writing music for an upcoming CD. He had the piano delivered here. When he finds the music he wants on the piano, he plays it again on a synthesizer, which records the notes on a laptop. He plays and composes while staring out a window at the trees whispering in the breeze and listening to the gurgle of a mountain stream at the foot of the cabin. His art is to marry music to emotions, events and images -- sunsets, loneliness or driving aimlessly on a highway to Montana while sorting through the rubble of his domestic life. "I've chosen to paint musical watercolors without lyrics," he explains. He begins to write music only when his fingers touch the keyboard; before that, he has no notes in his mind. "The piano is a tool for him," says Newell Dayley, Bestor's old mentor. "Others conceive the music in their mind and write it on paper. He loves that touch." "Before I sit at the piano, the music has taste, I can taste it in my mouth, I can feel it, but it's not really music yet," Bestor says. A life in transition Now 44, he has been tasting music since his boyhood in Wisconsin and later Orem. He has been making a living with his music since dropping out of Brigham Young University late in his senior year to write commercial jingles. Bestor has acquired much of his fame with his annual Christmas concerts and Christmas recordings, but he has done much more behind the scenes -- the Calgary Olympic TV theme (which won an Emmy), music for the Salt Lake Olympic closing ceremonies, scores for more than 30 films, material for more than 40 TV shows, including "Good Morning America," "Monday Night Football," "National Geographic," Fox TV news, ABC's college basketball, ABC's "Movie of the Week," NBC's 1988 Super Bowl, ABC's baseball playoff coverage, NBC's 1992 Barcelona Olympic coverage. The list goes on and on. His music is everywhere, whether it's Provo's Stadium of Fire on the Fourth of July or European concert halls for the LDS Sea Trek or LDS Church movies or the dozens of charity appearances he makes annually on local TV and radio ads. (The other day he marveled to hear that a jingle he wrote in college for Alpine Fireplace is still being aired.) He has conducted his own classical compositions with the Utah Symphony, San Francisco Symphony, Royal Liverpool Philharmonic, The Prague Festival Orchestra and The Estonian National Symphony. He has performed for Jane Goodall, Madeleine Albright and Mikhail Gorbachev at the World Summit in New York. He has conducted his own ballet. He has collaborated with Lou Rawls, Kenny Loggins, Dolly Parton, Dick Van Dyke and Vanessa Williams. He has done just about everything that involves music -- scores for Sony PlayStation, beauty pageants, Muzak, marching bands, you name it. He even composed the school song for Timpanogos High School. But Bestor, who has produced 22 CDs with two more in the works, says he is "digging deeper" these days. His upcoming CD will be the first music he has written about his personal life. "I get tired of writing for money," he says. "It's hard to chase money and the muse. I hate to think about money." This is fanciful thinking for a guy with two ex-wives. Bestor, restless and driven, is in a state of transition. His life has been turned upside down the past three years. He divorced his wife of 20 years, Melodie, then divorced his second wife, Holli Ammon, after a year of marriage. A popular figure among fellow Mormons (and a former counselor in a bishopric), he is disenchanted with Mormonism, and his business, Pinnacle Music Group, has fallen on hard times. But the ever-optimistic Bestor says, "I'm on the upside now." 'He can charm anybody' Bestor has invited a visitor to spend the morning with him at the cabin. After giving directions over the phone, he meets his guest on the side of the main canyon road and guides him down a narrow dirt road to his small log home. "This is it," he says, climbing out of the car. Dressed in an old gray T-shirt, cargo shorts and sandals, he is a trim, athletic-looking 6-foot-2, 180 pounds. He has his own personal trainer -- "because I need someone to kick my butt. I made it a goal in my life not to look like a musician." He lifts weights three times a week and sticks to a diet of things like brown rice, egg whites, broccoli and protein shakes. Bestor has made-for-TV good looks. His most prominent feature is a mane of thick, long hair crested by a brown wave curling back off his forehead, usually with a few stray cords dangling stylishly. He also possesses natural charisma and a quick wit, which he employs during concerts. While conducting the orchestra and playing the piano (or other instruments), he manages to maintain warm banter with the audience. "He is so charming," says ex-wife Melodie. "People fall at his feet. And rightly so. I was drawn to him myself. He can charm anybody. And he's a genuinely nice person. He has no guile. We were married 20 years. It was a hard habit to break." Bestor shows his visitor inside the cabin and discusses his work. He writes music at the piano from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m., six days a week, but he takes frequent breaks to sculpt clay, hike the mountains and write verse. An avowed nature lover, he will hike to some spot in the hills, sit on the ground and write in a leather-bound journal, where he writes music ideas, poems and notes. "It's too intense to write music all the time," he says. But that is what he lives for, what drives him. Although not a huge commercial success -- and this is certainly no measure of talent, given the pop stardom of Mariah Carey, Britney Spears and their ilk -- Bestor possesses indisputable, versatile musical gifts. He plays the piano, trumpet, flugelhorn, harmonica and accordion. He has arranged music for more than 100 CDs, records and cassette tapes for other musicians. He writes music for full orchestras and conducts them. He writes his own music, and on rare occasions puts it to words, most notably his popular "Prayer of the Children," which laments the plight of children in Yugoslavia, whom he observed while serving a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. "The great thing about Kurt," says Dayley, dean of the college of fine arts and communications at BYU, "is he is a fine performer, a fine composer, a fine conductor, a fine technician and arranger, and he understands the equipment in the studio. I would just call him a master musician. He does it all. And it's wonderful." After watching the movie "Jaws" as a teenager, Bestor determined that he wanted to write music for film. While the other boys were engrossed in the violence and drama of the movie, Bestor was mesmerized by the score. Dayley, who gave Bestor trumpet lessons, recalls, "Right from the very beginning, he was asking questions about composition. He has a lot of innate ability. He used to sit at the piano and just improvise and compose as he went along." Bestor's mother, Phyllis, noticed her son's penchant for improvisation and musical imagery. She liked to tell her young son, "Play what a sunrise sounds like." Or, "Play me a summer storm." Phyllis says, "He'd get this big grin when I'd say. 'Yes, I can see it and feel it.' " During his high school years, Bestor, who was a Catholic at the time, entertained friends by improvising songs such as the LDS hymn "Choose the Right." "This is the way Bach would play that," he would say, and then he would play it. "And this is the way it would be played in jazz," and then he would play it that way. "He loved to improvise quite early," says Phyllis. At piano recitals, the instructor would introduce Bestor by saying, "Kurt will play this piece by Mozart the way Mozart played it." Afterward, the instructor would say, "Now Kurt will play it his way." All these years later, Bestor is still playing sunrises and summer thunderstorms. He stops by his parents' house in Orem occasionally to play his latest composition, asking them to "Listen and tell me what you feel and see." Says Phyllis, "A lot of times I will be very close to what he was feeling and seeing. That's a nice moment between mother and son. His music gives me chills." Growing success Bestor grew up the oldest of four children in a musical, achievement-oriented family that was headed by two educators, Rollie and Phyllis. Rollie worked his way through college by playing the trumpet in a jazz band. (Rollie's father had his own band and played trumpet for groups traveling through the Wisconsin area, including Tommy Dorsey's and Bunny Berrigan's.) While serving as athletic director over non-NCAA sports and coaching the diving team at BYU, Rollie sang in and coached barbershop quartets. Phyllis taught high school English and speech for 35 years, most of it at Orem High. (A psychologist would have a field day with this: Melodie Bestor now teaches English at Orem High in Phyllis' old classroom.) The family roots are in Wisconsin, but the Bestors moved to Orem in 1966 while Rollie pursued a doctorate at BYU. The school eventually hired Rollie, and the Bestors never left town. Ten years later, the entire family joined the LDS Church. In the Bestor household, the kids -- Kurt, John, Jill and Carrie -- were expected to do well in school, attend church, play the piano and compete for the local swim team. A strong work ethic was instilled by a daily regimen of getting up at 5 a.m. for swim workouts, enduring grueling repeat 1,650-yard training sessions, and 9 p.m. bed times. At the end of each school year the Orem High School faculty presents the "Tigerama Award" to a male and female senior who contributed the most during their three years of high school. The four Bestor kids each won the award during a five-year period. John, now an FBI agent, was an outstanding track and field athlete at BYU, excelling in the pole vault, decathlon and javelin. Carrie was a gymnast at BYU and Jill a three-sport prep athlete. Kurt competed in swimming for 10 years. (He medaled in the state meet and set school records in the backstroke and individual medley.) As a teen, Bestor listened to classical music ("but I didn't tell my friends"), as well as jazz and pop music that employed brass and sophisticated rhythms. "I didn't really like rock 'n' roll," he says. "I liked music with legs, something you don't get the first time you listen." Bestor's early love of music could be summed up this way: "I never could walk by a piano without stopping to play a 'ditty.' " Like other kids, he hated practicing, but in essence that's what he did while playing piano or trumpet in five different performing groups as a high school senior -- orchestra, symphonic band, jazz band, a cappella choir and chamber choir. (He also performed in musical theater.) He majored in music composition at BYU, but wound up dropping out of school two classes short of a degree to write music for a living. (He completed the classes years later.) He wrote "Muzak" ("Ever wonder who the guy was who wrote that crap?" he says); TV themes (he began as a staff musician for an Osmond show); and commercial jingles. On a lark, he and Sam Cardon, a longtime friend and collaborator, wrote a jingle -- "Season's Greetings from ABC" -- and sent it to the network unsolicited. ABC bought it. This eventually led to their award-winning music for the '88 Summer Games and other TV work. His career was rolling. "I was a hired gun," says Bestor of his many years of writing contracted music for commercials, TV and movies. He found it unfulfilling. Inspired by the score for "On Golden Pond," he began to write and arrange music for a CD he called "Joyspring," a collection of what might be called New Age Mormon music. When no one was interested in recording it, Bestor paid $700 to record it himself and shopped it around. He found a taker and the album proved to be surprisingly successful. He followed that up by trying to shop a Christmas CD, which was greeted with more skepticism. "I was told it was not a good idea, that it was a small-selling season and that Mannheim Steamroller was the only one out there that had its own Christmas album," says Bestor. He persuaded friends to start a record label called Airus, and they produced his first Christmas album, "Airus Christmas." "It (sales) went crazy," says Bestor. "It just shows what happens if we follow our own instincts rather than just follow each other around in a circle. I learned I was not going to pattern my career after someone else." A demanding muse Since then, Bestor has completed four Christmas albums and 18 non-Christmas CDs, most notably "Innovators" and "Sketches." Bestor means Christmas to many people. His annual Christmas concerts -- there are eight of them in Salt Lake City, plus performances in Phoenix, San Francisco and Portland -- are well attended, beautifully produced, fully orchestrated events in which Bestor puts his deft, lush spin on old Christmas music from around the world. "My favorite feeling is to stand in front of a symphony, and when I lower the baton, out of 80 or 90 musicians comes something that was in my head," he says. "I don't even totally understand how that works. It's magical almost. I can put it down on paper out of my head, and the musicians combine their talents and the audience receives what I felt when I was in my room by myself creating it. Music is pure communication. It makes me feel like I have a mission or purpose in life. I take people on a little journey in concerts. It feels right." That purpose in life has consumed Bestor. He loves his music -- his muse -- so much that he has given up almost everything to pursue it, namely two wives, two daughters and a beautiful custom home. For the past year, he has lived alone in his Midvale second-story office above a recording studio. He sleeps on a hide-a-bed. All parties agree on the reason for the failed marriages. "I love my muse," says Bestor. "My career had a large part to do with it. It's probably hard to be married to me. It's hard to compete with my muse." "Music is his first love," says Melodie. "It broke my heart. But what could I do about it? I adored him." Melodie and Kurt, who were engaged the night he returned from his mission (she lived with his parents while he was away), appeared to be the perfect couple: both attractive, dark-haired, dedicated and brilliant musicians. Kurt says Melodie is actually a better pianist than he is, and friends agree. She's played the piano at some of his concerts. "I tried to be part of his life," says Melodie. "I'd help at concerts. I loved his music. He would often have me critique it." Bestor worked at home, but he might as well have been elsewhere. He shut himself away and worked long hours. "I can't say, 'It's five o'clock, I'll stop thinking of music,' " Bestor says. He missed their daughters' recitals, school events, even his own family reunions. His local fame also brought heavy demands for appearances and concerts and charity events. "He tried really hard to make room for me and the kids and the church," says Melodie. "But he is just so driven. He is almost helpless. Maybe that's the case with any genius." Melodie not only held down a full-time teaching job, but she ran the household and took care of the loose ends "because he's such a flake, such a scatterbrain," she says. "I paid the bills, made sure he made appointments on time, answered the phone, made arrangements, cleaned up messes he made. I was doing it so he wouldn't have to worry about it, so he could do his music. His parents picked up the slack, too. They helped with the kids, and his dad mowed the lawn." Says Bestor, "It's hard for me to use my talent, and I'm supposed to use it to help people and do benefit concerts, and I don't have time. I forget to take the garbage out, or I miss the PTA meeting. I gave up trying." As if all of this weren't enough, there was heartbreak: Both daughters, Kristan, now 21, and Ericka, 14, were born with spina bifida. The care of the girls - -- the catheters and the operations and the therapy -- fell to Melodie. The marriage finally collapsed in 1999. "He got tired of the fa=8Dade," says Melodie. "He wanted the divorce. I didn't. I groveled. He finally said don't beg anymore. I was so desperate to keep it together." By then, Bestor had long since begun dating Holli Ammon, a studio and backup singer who had two children from a previous marriage. They married in the fall of 2000. "He left Melodie for me," says Ammon. "I absolutely adored him. I had a terrible marriage for years (before Bestor). Things happen. Infatuations start." A few months later, Bestor left Ammon and they eventually divorced. Ammon says Bestor abandoned her and her girls; he simply stopped coming home. Weeks went by without contact. "I saw him on TV with no wedding ring on," she says. "Desertion is an understatement. He didn't have the guts to cut it off." She says she had to hawk a ring and furniture to pay her bills, and she received no alimony. (She says she decided not to pursue the matter legally.) "I had to give up my life to make money to support them," says Bestor. "There was no time to write. I was at a crossroads. I lost the guy who wrote 'Prayer of the Children.' " Melodie says that guy never came back. "Kurt is a different person now," she says. "He's not the person I married. His beliefs and values are not mine. I don't even know him anymore. He's done things and been places . . . " 'What has happened to me?' Rollie, the devoted father and Kurt Bestor fan, is an outspoken man, and he takes questions about his son's mid-life troubles head on. After pausing to find just the right words, he begins, "I see Kurt as happy as I've seen him and happy on his terms, not on Mom and Dad's terms, which is family and kids and going to the ballpark and picnics. That's not him. He's not into the mundane -- edging the lawn, cleaning the garage. Even when he was a boy, when he had to cut the lawn he'd pay his sisters to do it. Where is he now? He's still in transition and probably always will be. His mind is going a mile a minute." Says Cardon, "What he does is consuming. It demands a lot of emotional investment. Then combine that with being a public figure in Utah. For every charitable event, he gets a phone call. It gets to be a grind, but he still does those things out of the goodness of his heart. I call it the music mistress, another partner in the marriage that gets in the way. It takes its toll." Sitting on the deck of the cabin, Bestor is asked the big question: Why? What is the real allure of music that motivates him and drives him on? "There's a communication between the audience and me when something is in my head and people in the audience feel what I felt at, say, the cabin. I love that. At that moment the world is perfect . . . When I do 'Prayer of the Children,' it's as if the audience doesn't want to breathe. That's why I do it. That gives me purpose. There are moments when time stands still. Everyone's breathing at the same time; when the music goes up, everyone goes up, and when it goes down, everyone goes down. There's a unity of feeling." It is only at such moments that Bestor seems entirely at peace with himself. The rest has been turmoil in his late quest for self. In many ways, Bestor is starting a new life and rekindling his career. He hasn't produced a CD in three years, he no longer receives job offers from the LDS Church, and, for that matter, other old sources. The Pinnacle Music Group, which handles his royalties, among other things, has been cut from 12 employees to two. Bestor's distaste for money aside, he recently mailed handwritten inquiries for work. "I'm just not getting the calls," he says. "For a long time, I worked for hire. That's changed. I don't know if people don't know my number or what. If I went out, I could find it. I think they assume I'm so successful that I don't want it. Or they assume I'm a bazillionaire. I do all right, but I scramble at the end of the month. Divorce will do that." His cash cow is the annual Christmas concert tour, which helps sustain him through the year. He doesn't seem to want. He toured Europe recently. An expert skier, he also took his annual heli-skiing trip to Canada. He spent $3,000 to rent the cabin for a month, and he plans to buy a house. Bestor, his ex-wives say, doesn't appear to have suffered for the upheaval of his personal life, but he paints a different picture. In the wake of his first divorce, one night he sat alone in a downtown apartment, listening to the sirens and the traffic and wondering "what the hell have I done? I fell to my knees and just groaned. What has happened to me?" He got in his car and drove with no destination in mind, which was the inspiration for "Northbound to Nowhere." When he reached Glacier National Park, he climbed out of the car and went for a four-hour hike to a high glacier lake. "It was so beautiful, I started to cry," he says. "I realized I still have it in me to love nature and see beauty." 'I love where I am' The postscript is this: The Bestor women have moved on. Kristan and Ericka are both musical and talented and perform occasionally. Bestor sees his daughters a couple of times a month. Melodie and Ammon arranged to meet last fall, and they laughed and cried together. It was cathartic, they say. Says Ammon, "Melodie is the most gracious, loving person. The first thing she said was, 'Well, you got a taste of it, didn't you? Now you know what I went through.' It wasn't a Kurt bashing dinner. I was asking her for forgiveness." Melodie, whose relationship with Bestor is amicable -- "We're very friendly," she says. "It's hard not to like him," -- hasn't remarried. Ammon has a new husband and a new home in California. Bestor has a new girlfriend, a therapist and a trainer. "It's a bit of a mid-life crisis, my therapist tells me," says Bestor. "I'm just not satisfied with anything in my life anymore." That includes his faith. His religious leanings are nebulous, doubtful and intertwined with his love of the mountains and nature, but he still tries to attend LDS Church meetings, and he wonders if "the path" he's on won't lead him back that way someday. "I was the Mormon hero," he says wryly. Ammon puts it another way: "He's lived off the Mormon people for years. He's such a hypocrite." Says Bestor, "I'm Mormon, but perhaps not orthodox. I attend church, but find myself closer to God when I hike Timpanogos. I see God in the miracle of life and feel Him in the music, but have trouble, at times, understanding His true nature. I struggle at times with the culture, but have a strong yearning to live as Jesus did . . . There's nothing in my life that is at odds with my Mormonism. I also feel a deep spiritual mission, a 'calling' as it were, to spread my gospel of peace and sweetness through music. Spiritually I feel incredibly fulfilled . . . I love where I am -- spiritually active with the same values that I've always had." As always, Bestor is dreaming of more music. He wants to do a TV show on the history of film music, with his own arrangements and some of his original music. He wants to build a children's TV show around music. He is already discussing an idea for a TV show in which he visits various musicians around the world -- bagpipe players in Scotland, choirs in England, percussionists in Africa -- and then brings them together for a concert in the season-ending grand finale. "He's a giant," says Cardon. "He's done things by sheer force of will. There are certain people who seem like they were born into the world to do certain things. They just have a certain momentum. He's always headed somewhere. He just had big dreams. The other thing that is remarkable is I don't know if I've ever seen as many gifts given to one individual. He's a first-rate composer, a terrific public speaker, a pretty good actor, a great athlete, a bit of a poet and sculptor and artist. An artistic nature just fills him up. And he's exceptionally bright. He could have chosen to do anything." Back at the cabin, Bestor plays the piano as he talks to his visitor. Even with the many hours he spends working on music, he still can't walk past a piano without stopping to play it for the sheer joy of making music. He tells his parents he wishes he had been born hundreds of years ago when a king might have retained him to do nothing but write music, and he wouldn't have to worry about the mundane. But, to a certain extent, isn't that the life he has cut out for himself? This morning, it is just Bestor, the mountain cabin and his mistress muse. E-mail: drob@desnews.com - ---------- Copyright 2002, Deseret News Publishing Co. - -- AML-List, a mailing list for the discussion of Mormon literature ------------------------------ End of aml-list-digest V1 #819 ******************************