From: owner-roswell-digest@lists.xmission.com (roswell-digest) To: roswell-digest@lists.xmission.com Subject: roswell-digest V1 #45 Reply-To: roswell-digest Sender: owner-roswell-digest@lists.xmission.com Errors-To: owner-roswell-digest@lists.xmission.com Precedence: bulk roswell-digest Thursday, June 8 2000 Volume 01 : Number 045 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Thu, 1 Jun 2000 08:16:53 -0700 (PDT) From: Chantel Reynolds Subject: RE: [roswell] The new "Faces of the WB" commercial...what a rip for Roswell fans Ugh. How many shots of David Boreanaz (sp?) do we really need? I barely saw Katherine, Shiri, or Majandra. The Roswell 'focus' really seemed to be on Jason and Brendan. Does the amount of time you're shown in these videos related to the ratings of your particular show? BTW, please forgive the multiple postings from me yesterday. Yahoo had some kind of crisis and sent triples of everything I wrote. Chantel __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Send instant messages & get email alerts with Yahoo! Messenger. http://im.yahoo.com/ - ---------------------------------------------------------------- Visit http://www.xmission.com/~btvs/roswell/ for help and info. - ---------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 01 Jun 2000 08:51:51 -0700 (PDT) From: ~!shayla!~ Subject: Re: RE: [roswell] The new hi all, i know how you all feel...i was really disappointed with the commercial...shiri and majandra were in one shot, jason and brendan were in a few....and i did not see katherine...but from what i have heard from you all...she was in it a teeny bit....and they showed way to much of popular...isn't that show one of the lowest rated shows on the wb???? from what i have heard...ROSWELL is the 3rd or 4th most popular show on the wb??? hmmmm.....they need to remake the commercial...they can do that to...they should still have all the footage taped.....the wb should add more roswell...drom some of the popular and charmed and angel...i like all of the shows..but they need to be fair and equal it all out between the shows... anyways i did like the clips they showed of the roswell cast for which i am very happy... bye everyone!!!! - -----Original Message----- From: "Chantel Reynolds" To: roswell@lists.xmission.com Date: Thu Jun 01 08:16:53 PDT 2000 Subject: RE: [roswell] The new "Faces of the WB" commercial...what a rip for Roswell fans >Ugh. How many shots of David Boreanaz (sp?) do we >really need? I barely saw Katherine, Shiri, or >Majandra. The Roswell 'focus' really seemed to be on >Jason and Brendan. Does the amount of time you're >shown in these videos related to the ratings of your >particular show? > >BTW, please forgive the multiple postings from me >yesterday. Yahoo had some kind of crisis and sent >triples of everything I wrote. > >Chantel > >__________________________________________________ >Do You Yahoo!? >Send instant messages & get email alerts with Yahoo! Messenger. >http://im.yahoo.com/ > >---------------------------------------------------------------- > Visit http://www.xmission.com/~btvs/roswell/ for help and info. >---------------------------------------------------------------- Have a great day!!! from~~~~~Alienshay2484 talk to you soon! ___________________________________________________ GO Network Mail Get Your Free, Private E-mail at http://mail.go.com - ---------------------------------------------------------------- Visit http://www.xmission.com/~btvs/roswell/ for help and info. - ---------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 1 Jun 2000 12:01:10 -0400 From: "Mel" Subject: RE: RE: [roswell] The new Yea...I am hoping they have galleries of the images like they did for the Faces video last year..and maybe they will make another version..LOL Mel - -----Original Message----- From: owner-roswell@lists.xmission.com [mailto:owner-roswell@lists.xmission.com]On Behalf Of ~!shayla!~ Sent: Thursday, June 01, 2000 11:52 AM To: Chantel Reynolds; roswell@lists.xmission.com Subject: Re: RE: [roswell] The new hi all, i know how you all feel...i was really disappointed with the commercial...shiri and majandra were in one shot, jason and brendan were in a few....and i did not see katherine...but from what i have heard from you all...she was in it a teeny bit....and they showed way to much of popular...isn't that show one of the lowest rated shows on the wb???? from what i have heard...ROSWELL is the 3rd or 4th most popular show on the wb??? hmmmm.....they need to remake the commercial...they can do that to...they should still have all the footage taped.....the wb should add more roswell...drom some of the popular and charmed and angel...i like all of the shows..but they need to be fair and equal it all out between the shows... anyways i did like the clips they showed of the roswell cast for which i am very happy... bye everyone!!!! - -----Original Message----- From: "Chantel Reynolds" To: roswell@lists.xmission.com Date: Thu Jun 01 08:16:53 PDT 2000 Subject: RE: [roswell] The new "Faces of the WB" commercial...what a rip for Roswell fans >Ugh. How many shots of David Boreanaz (sp?) do we >really need? I barely saw Katherine, Shiri, or >Majandra. The Roswell 'focus' really seemed to be on >Jason and Brendan. Does the amount of time you're >shown in these videos related to the ratings of your >particular show? > >BTW, please forgive the multiple postings from me >yesterday. Yahoo had some kind of crisis and sent >triples of everything I wrote. > >Chantel > >__________________________________________________ >Do You Yahoo!? >Send instant messages & get email alerts with Yahoo! Messenger. >http://im.yahoo.com/ > >---------------------------------------------------------------- > Visit http://www.xmission.com/~btvs/roswell/ for help and info. >---------------------------------------------------------------- Have a great day!!! from~~~~~Alienshay2484 talk to you soon! ___________________________________________________ GO Network Mail Get Your Free, Private E-mail at http://mail.go.com - ---------------------------------------------------------------- Visit http://www.xmission.com/~btvs/roswell/ for help and info. - ---------------------------------------------------------------- __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Talk to your friends online with Yahoo! Messenger. http://im.yahoo.com - ---------------------------------------------------------------- Visit http://www.xmission.com/~btvs/roswell/ for help and info. - ---------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 01 Jun 2000 09:05:56 -0700 (PDT) From: ~!shayla!~ Subject: RE: [roswell] The new yeah...i hope they make a new version or another on similar...becuase it seems like all the roswell fans are dissappointed in the video...i thought it was ok....what does everyone else thinks??? - -----Original Message----- From: "Mel" To: roswell@lists.xmission.com Date: Thu Jun 01 09:01:10 PDT 2000 Subject: RE: RE: [roswell] The new >Yea...I am hoping they have galleries of the images like they did for the >Faces video last year..and maybe they will make another version..LOL > >Mel > >-----Original Message----- >From: owner-roswell@lists.xmission.com >[mailto:owner-roswell@lists.xmission.com]On Behalf Of ~!shayla!~ >Sent: Thursday, June 01, 2000 11:52 AM >To: Chantel Reynolds; roswell@lists.xmission.com >Subject: Re: RE: [roswell] The new > > >hi all, > i know how you all feel...i was really disappointed with the >commercial...shiri and majandra were in one shot, jason and brendan were in >a few....and i did not see katherine...but from what i have heard from you >all...she was in it a teeny bit....and they showed way to much of >popular...isn't that show one of the lowest rated shows on the wb???? >from what i have heard...ROSWELL is the 3rd or 4th most popular show on the >wb??? hmmmm.....they need to remake the commercial...they can do that >to...they should still have all the footage taped.....the wb should add more >roswell...drom some of the popular and charmed and angel...i like all of the >shows..but they need to be fair and equal it all out between the shows... >anyways i did like the clips they showed of the roswell cast for which i am >very happy... > >bye everyone!!!! >-----Original Message----- >From: "Chantel Reynolds" >To: roswell@lists.xmission.com >Date: Thu Jun 01 08:16:53 PDT 2000 >Subject: RE: [roswell] The new "Faces of the WB" commercial...what a rip for >Roswell fans > >>Ugh. How many shots of David Boreanaz (sp?) do we >>really need? I barely saw Katherine, Shiri, or >>Majandra. The Roswell 'focus' really seemed to be on >>Jason and Brendan. Does the amount of time you're >>shown in these videos related to the ratings of your >>particular show? >> >>BTW, please forgive the multiple postings from me >>yesterday. Yahoo had some kind of crisis and sent >>triples of everything I wrote. >> >>Chantel >> >>__________________________________________________ >>Do You Yahoo!? >>Send instant messages & get email alerts with Yahoo! Messenger. >>http://im.yahoo.com/ >> >>---------------------------------------------------------------- >> Visit http://www.xmission.com/~btvs/roswell/ for help and info. >>---------------------------------------------------------------- > >Have a great day!!! >from~~~~~Alienshay2484 >talk to you soon! >___________________________________________________ >GO Network Mail >Get Your Free, Private E-mail at http://mail.go.com > > > >---------------------------------------------------------------- > Visit http://www.xmission.com/~btvs/roswell/ for help and info. >---------------------------------------------------------------- > > > >__________________________________________________ > >Do You Yahoo!? > >Talk to your friends online with Yahoo! Messenger. > >http://im.yahoo.com > > >---------------------------------------------------------------- > Visit http://www.xmission.com/~btvs/roswell/ for help and info. >---------------------------------------------------------------- Have a great day!!! from~~~~~Alienshay2484 talk to you soon! ___________________________________________________ GO Network Mail Get Your Free, Private E-mail at http://mail.go.com - ---------------------------------------------------------------- Visit http://www.xmission.com/~btvs/roswell/ for help and info. - ---------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 01 Jun 2000 09:17:21 -0700 (PDT) From: ~!shayla!~ Subject: [roswell] Roswell tapes!!!!! anyone missing an episode or the season??? hi everyone.... i have been getting random emails from a bunch of people who want me to tape roswell for them... so if anyone would like me to tape an episode or even the whole season....you are welcome to email me if you are interested...and i will email you with the details... thanks......my email is alienshay2484@go.com if you are interested.... Have a great day!!! from~~~~~Alienshay2484 talk to you soon! ___________________________________________________ GO Network Mail Get Your Free, Private E-mail at http://mail.go.com - ---------------------------------------------------------------- Visit http://www.xmission.com/~btvs/roswell/ for help and info. - ---------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 01 Jun 2000 09:48:54 PDT From: "Harmony Cadien" Subject: [roswell] Appearances I was just wondering if anyone new of any sites, that are up-to-date, on the appearances of any of the cast members on talk shows or just interviews, etc... I can't ever seem to catch them on anything. Also, any sites that might have transcripts of interviews or the actual interviews on media player or real player. I would be interested in any suggestions. Thanks. Harmony ________________________________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com - ---------------------------------------------------------------- Visit http://www.xmission.com/~btvs/roswell/ for help and info. - ---------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 6 Jun 2000 22:09:06 +1200 From: "Lucas Young" Subject: [roswell] De-Cloaking Hi all I am decloaking again, looks like it's going to become a habit! Tess, Lies and Videotape just screened here, and I have to say it was excellently directed. Shots like Max and Liz on either side of the Crashdown dorrs in the rain, or the way Max was lit in blue and Liz in warm orange when Max was professing his loyalty to her... even the Wide Shot of Michael investigating Tess's house were all original and refreshing. Did Alex really say the transmitter had a "high-grain antenna?" he did mean "high gain" didn't he? I thought Max and Michael's tussle was a bit contrived, a excuse to uncover the camera. I agree with Kate Ancel's review on CrashDown - I was waiting for Mr. Harding to sculpt the Devil's Tower as well - I am sure it was an in-joke I have to say that the Dawson's Creek lighting that seems to be evrywhere these days is done quite well on Roswell, how people manage to walk around without bumping into things I don't know. You'd expect the characters to say "Hmm, there appears to be a blue searchlight outside my window." It must be great to live in America where night is as bright as day and there's mist everywhere and everything's blue... maybe Eiffel65 come from America... but I ramble. Hey I was an extra on Xena Warrior princess once, just wish they shot Roswell here in NZ :) That's my rant thanks for listening :) Lucas - ---------------------------------------------------------------- Visit http://www.xmission.com/~btvs/roswell/ for help and info. - ---------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------ Date: Tue, 6 Jun 2000 21:54:26 -0500 From: "Mike Stone" Subject: RE: [roswell] De-Cloaking An excellent episode indeed, but we're in the middle of re-run season here in America and are reviewing The Morning After, then 285 South. The show seems to have changed quite a bit in Tess Lies and Videotape. I think most of us have been pretty receptive to it. I'm still a little nervous about that for next season, but we'll see. I also hope the shows continues its Indian-alien mystique (with the unique music). I think they began to drop that towards the end of the season. I noticed the new WB promo thing this evening during Buffy. Apparently I wasn't watching close enough, because I didn't even catch the cast of Roswell on it! What's up with that? Anyway, I'm curious where other countries are at with the episodes? I hope they're playing them in order; that's always annoying to get them out of order, especially when watching them for the first time. Also, has anyone checked out the Maxim magazine with Katherine on it? If you have pics, do share. :) - ---------------------------------------------------------------- Visit http://www.xmission.com/~btvs/roswell/ for help and info. - ---------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 7 Jun 2000 01:36:01 -0700 (PDT) From: =?iso-8859-1?q?Chloe=20Jackson?= Subject: RE: [roswell] De-Cloaking Hi! Thankyou for the e-mail. You wanted to know which episodes other countries are up to, well, i'm in the UK and on Sky TV we will be watching the final episode on Thursday 8th. > Thanx again Chloe > > - ---------------------------------------------------------------- > Visit http://www.xmission.com/~btvs/roswell/ for > help and info. > - ---------------------------------------------------------------- __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Yahoo! Photos -- now, 100 FREE prints! http://photos.yahoo.com - ---------------------------------------------------------------- Visit http://www.xmission.com/~btvs/roswell/ for help and info. - ---------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 7 Jun 2000 01:57:17 -0700 (PDT) From: =?iso-8859-1?q?Chloe=20Jackson?= Subject: RE: [roswell] De-Cloaking - --- Mike Stone wrote: > An excellent episode indeed, but we're in the middle > of re-run season here > in America and are reviewing The Morning After, then > 285 South. The show > seems to have changed quite a bit in Tess Lies and > Videotape. I think most > of us have been pretty receptive to it. I'm still a > little nervous about > that for next season, but we'll see. I also hope the > shows continues its > Indian-alien mystique (with the unique music). I > think they began to drop > that towards the end of the season. > > I noticed the new WB promo thing this evening during > Buffy. Apparently I > wasn't watching close enough, because I didn't even > catch the cast of > Roswell on it! What's up with that? > > Anyway, I'm curious where other countries are at > with the episodes? I hope > they're playing them in order; that's always > annoying to get them out of > order, especially when watching them for the first > time. > > Also, has anyone checked out the Maxim magazine with > Katherine on it? If you > have pics, do share. :) > > Hi! Thanx for the e-mail. I was writing back to let you know that in the UK on Sky Tv we will be watching the last episode of Roswell on Thursday 8th. Thanx again, Chloe > > - ---------------------------------------------------------------- > Visit http://www.xmission.com/~btvs/roswell/ for > help and info. > - ---------------------------------------------------------------- __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Yahoo! Photos -- now, 100 FREE prints! http://photos.yahoo.com - ---------------------------------------------------------------- Visit http://www.xmission.com/~btvs/roswell/ for help and info. - ---------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 7 Jun 2000 07:51:58 -0700 (PDT) From: Chantel Reynolds Subject: RE: [roswell] De-Cloaking Mike, The promo during Buffy last night was pretty abbreviated since the airing of the full three-minute version last week. There was a BRIEF glimpse of Brendan Fehr jumping onto some platform, but he was the only Roswellian in last night's promo. But even during the full version, the Roswell cast was jipped. If you blink, you'll never see Katy (sitting at a table), Majandra, or Shiri (both coming out of the restrooms). Jason is shown more frequently, and Brendan is visible at times, but I don't think any Roswell fans were content with the amount of air time the cast got. I think someone mentioned that Popular's cast was WAY overshown. Chantel __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Yahoo! Photos -- now, 100 FREE prints! http://photos.yahoo.com - ---------------------------------------------------------------- Visit http://www.xmission.com/~btvs/roswell/ for help and info. - ---------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 7 Jun 2000 13:05:49 EDT From: JEEPY91@aol.com Subject: Re: [roswell] De-Cloaking In a message dated 6/7/00 2:54:43 AM !!!First Boot!!!, mikestone65@home.com writes: << Also, has anyone checked out the Maxim magazine with Katherine on it? If you have pics, do share. :) >> I was a little hesitant buying, being of the female persuasion, but I went and got it anyway. Well I can say that Katherine looks beautiful as always, but I was a little shocked when I flipped the page and she was topless. She had her hands carefully placed over the most revealing areas, but it was rather racy nonetheless. I didn't get to read the article yet so Im guessing it will be rather interesting! Jeepy - ---------------------------------------------------------------- Visit http://www.xmission.com/~btvs/roswell/ for help and info. - ---------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 7 Jun 2000 11:21:36 -0700 (PDT) From: "Ms. Gwyn" Subject: [roswell] MAXIM I too being a female feel a tiny bit awakward buying Maxim, FHM, Details, etc. so I throw in a little Martha Stewart in such, but the main reason why I buy the mags is for the scanning. I could scan all the ladies of the WB and post them to my site and give you guys the url. The Night is Young Video Admitly the cast of Roswell was in it very little, that could be attributed they didn't know if the show was going to be renewed, they we down to the last hour on that. And the video was probably filmed in late April, early May. They also put in the cast for Young Americans, it was my understanding that this show is only going to air during the Summer and not be on the fall line up. The WB will probably put a second version of the video out in the Fall, who knows it may even feature more of the Roswell cast. Remember the first version of Crawl - The Faces of the WB did not feature Roswell only the second version of the video did. Ciao Ms. Gwyn __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Yahoo! Photos -- now, 100 FREE prints! http://photos.yahoo.com - ---------------------------------------------------------------- Visit http://www.xmission.com/~btvs/roswell/ for help and info. - ---------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 07 Jun 2000 14:52:53 PDT From: "Kelly Girl" Subject: Re: [roswell] De-Cloaking i'm a little curious about this Maxim magazine.... what "kind" of mag is it, and can you get it anywhere (i have never seen it at the grocery store) or just exclusively at a bookstore? i would like to see the pics and read the article, but if this is a *man's* magazine, i am going to have to have a male friend buy it for me . kellygirl ________________________________________________________________________ Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com - ---------------------------------------------------------------- Visit http://www.xmission.com/~btvs/roswell/ for help and info. - ---------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 7 Jun 2000 22:15:28 EDT From: JEEPY91@aol.com Subject: Re: [roswell] De-Cloaking In a message dated 6/7/00 9:53:49 PM !!!First Boot!!!, kellygirl_1@hotmail.com writes: << i'm a little curious about this Maxim magazine.... what "kind" of mag is it, and can you get it anywhere (i have never seen it at the grocery store) or just exclusively at a bookstore? i would like to see the pics and read the article, but if this is a *man's* magazine, i am going to have to have a male friend buy it for me . kellygirl >> It is actually a men's magazine. I was as apprehensive about it as you are. I had my Mom go buy it ans say it was for her husband LOL. She thought I was nuts, Im 19 and Im too chicken to go buy a magazine LOL! Anyway, she got it at a Kmart here, but if you cant find it, try Borders or Barnes and Noble. Jeepy - ---------------------------------------------------------------- Visit http://www.xmission.com/~btvs/roswell/ for help and info. - ---------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------ Date: Wed, 7 Jun 2000 22:19:47 EDT From: Joy43762@aol.com Subject: Re: [roswell] Maxim Hi guys! I am often a lurker around here, but I wanted to tell you that I bought the Maxim from a website. It's URL is www.magsnow.com. I have purchased 3 magazines from them and they have all arrived in excellent condition. Anyway, it was a lot less embarrassing for me to buy a men's magazine that way, so I thought that I would share. Joy - ---------------------------------------------------------------- Visit http://www.xmission.com/~btvs/roswell/ for help and info. - ---------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 8 Jun 2000 16:36:55 +0930 From: "hayley willis" Subject: Re: [roswell] Maxim there are also a few pictures of Katherine on the Maxim site - -----Original Message----- From: Joy43762@aol.com To: roswell@lists.xmission.com Date: Thursday, 8 June 2000 11:43 AM Subject: Re: [roswell] Maxim >Hi guys! I am often a lurker around here, but I wanted to tell you that I >bought the Maxim from a website. It's URL is www.magsnow.com. I have >purchased 3 magazines from them and they have all arrived in excellent >condition. Anyway, it was a lot less embarrassing for me to buy a men's >magazine that way, so I thought that I would share. > >Joy > >---------------------------------------------------------------- > Visit http://www.xmission.com/~btvs/roswell/ for help and info. >---------------------------------------------------------------- > - ---------------------------------------------------------------- Visit http://www.xmission.com/~btvs/roswell/ for help and info. - ---------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 8 Jun 2000 22:31:49 -0400 From: "irene" Subject: [roswell] fic: State of Grace: Possession - Liz Title: State of Grace: Possession - Liz Author: Irene Catagory: Liz Spoilers: all ye who be unspoiled, beware. . . Disclaimers: the usual; I bow down to the great and powerful Katim's and company, by whose good graces I mangle these characters. . . Summary: Think 'the day after' and let me take it from there (again). . . Rating: PG State of Grace: Possession - Liz Irene Shafer *"Into this night I wander, it's morning that I dread, Another day of knowing of the path I fear to tread, Oh into the sea of waking dreams I follow without pride, Nothing stands between us here and I won't be denied, And I would be the one to hold you down, kiss you so hard, I'll take your breath away and after I'd wipe away the tears, Just close your eyes dear..."* Possession, Fumbling Towards Ecstacy, Sarah McLachlin * * * * * * It's June 6th. I'm Liz Parker and for the first time since I started my journal last September, I do *not* want to analyze what's happening in my life. I don't even want to record it. That would make it more real that it already is. And it's plenty real *now*. So, no pen. No paper. No organizing my thought processes or weighing my options. I *have* no options. And my thought processes are like mud. Or like a *dream*. The kind of dream you can't control, that goes in directions you didn't expect and takes you to places you don't want to be. Like being at the shore, wet and cold in the waves, when all you want is to be warm and dry and safe somewhere. Or like being tossed into the stark sunlight of the day when all you want is the darkness and isolation of the night. Sun or stars? Reality or oblivion? The lady or the tiger. . . Running down that hill, running away from the things I had no power to change, and no *right*, all I kept thinking was that I was doing the right thing. This was what *you* needed. What *they* needed. My god, Max - you have a duty, a *purpose* here, you know? People waiting for you. A *world*. I have no place in it. Even if there *were* no Tess. . . So I kept running, afraid if I stopped for even a second, or turned around, I wouldn't have the strength to keep myself from running back . *Back to you. . *. * * * * * * * *'...how is it possible that I could be the happiest that I've ever been in my entire life...you know, and now the saddest all at one time?'* * * * * * * * Sorry, brain. Tissue break. Always happens when I stare at the stars. Like I keep expecting them to say something really important to me. Like I'm waiting for them to give me permission. To be with you. So. . . You love me. You *love* me. It's not like I had any doubt, I can feel it when we're together, when we *kiss*, not just in the way you touch me, but in the way you touch me in *here* -- in my head, but hearing it, hearing the desperation in your voice made the knowing more real. There was an urgency to your declaration and a relief, like you'd been holding that thought, protecting it like a candle against the wind, through the whole ordeal in that . . . in that place, waiting, hoping, *praying* you'd have the chance to tell me before it went out. To make it real for yourself, too. And you did. *Oh, Max. . .* But, see, this has never been about what *we* wanted, has it? Not from day one. All this time, you've been fighting to be a *'just a'*. Just a normal kid. With just a normal life. And just a normal girlfriend. How could you have *not* known, from the very, very beginning, that just a normal *anything* was a thing you could never *be*? Hard to be normal and the leader of your people at the same time. . . I think I felt it. I think I *knew*. There was always something about you, something more. . . more *intense*. It 's like you were somehow more solid, more real, more in *focus* than the rest of the world. Like there was too much . . . *you* in there to be contained in one human body. And now I know why. Knowing why should make it easier to accept. Maybe in time, it will. But not now. *Now* I've got my mom and dad all worried and wanting to know why I'm upset and what 'that boy' has done to their baby girl. How do I tell them that my life is over - before it even began? That right now I can't see past five minutes from now. That I don't want to go to school on Monday. Or ever again. That I want to leave Roswell and find some new reality to fill the spaces in my head where the old one used to be. *Now* I've just got unasked questions from Maria and Alex that I want to pretend I didn't not hear them ask. I know they get it, though, what's going on, and they've got their own stuff to deal with at the moment, their own little non-parts in the destiny play. I wish I could go to Maria to talk this out, and to help *her*, because I know she's going through as much hell as *I* am, but I just can't. I can't deal with this anymore than I already am. I wish I wasn't dealing with it at all. I wish I could just shut my brain *off*. . . But it won't shut up. It keeps telling me to damn the hour and climb down the fire escape. Walk the mile and a half to your house in the dark. To tell you I love you enough to fight for us. But, see, that's selfish. I can't do that. Grandma Claudia once told me I had to follow my heart and right now, my heart is much more rational than my brain is. . . In between its beating and jumping around down there in my chest, it's saying that the things that are right aren't always the things that we *want* them to be. And to be true to my heart, I need to be true to that. What's right, Max, is to not stand in the way of how your life is supposed to be. How it *needs* to be. There's too much at stake. I couldn't live with myself. I don't think, in the end, you could either. Today, Kyle told me I was being too noble, but I don't think that's it at all. I'm not noble, Max. I'm *selfish*. I don't want a life with you that's filled with guilt at what I've made you give up. I couldn't bear to know I'd made you betray a future that was decided long before I was even born. You. *Tess*. . . I'm just trying to save myself the pain, Max. That's all. No, really. I *mean* it. *. . . aw, who'm I kidding?* That's *bullshit* and I know it. *(Kyle would be so proud right now. Like he taught me a new word. . .)* I *am* selfish, but not because I'm trying to spare myself. I'm selfish because I don't *want* to give you up. Leaving yesterday, telling you goodbye and then walking out of that cave, that was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. *In my life.* You *own* me, Max Evans. Nothing's going to change that. Not your destiny. Not my stupidity. Not even World War III and the melting polar ice caps combined. . . *I want. . .* I want to touch you so badly right now I could scream. I close my eyes and all I see is that awful look of confusion on your face. And I just want to make it go away, Max. *I just want to. . .* Nope. I wasn't going to do this anymore. It's not going to get me anywhere. (Except maybe back to the hall closet for another box of tissues. . .) Bottom line, Max: This isn't about what I want. Or what I need. *It's about you.* I can live with that because I'm going to have to. Or if I can't, I'm just going to have to try. Oh, and *damn* the stupid stars. They're too far away, anyway. . . fini - ---------------------------------------------------------------- Visit http://www.xmission.com/~btvs/roswell/ for help and info. - ---------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------ Date: Thu, 8 Jun 2000 22:45:24 -0400 From: "irene" Subject: [roswell] State of Grace: Possession - Max Title: State of Grace: Possession - Max Author: Irene Catagory: Max Spoilers: all ye who be unspoiled, beware. . . Disclaimers: the usual; I bow down to the great and powerful Katim's and company, by whose good graces I mangle these characters. . . Summary: Think 'the day after' and let me take it from there (again). . . Rating: PG State of Grace: Possession -- Max Irene Shafer *"Through this world I've stumbled so many times betrayed, Trying to find an honest word, to find the truth enslaved, Oh you speak to me in riddles and you speak to me in rhymes My body aches to breathe your breath, you words keep me alive, And I would be the one to hold you down, kiss you so hard, I'll take your breath away and after I'd wipe away the tears, Just close your eyes dear"* Possession, Fumbling Towards Ecstacy, Sarah McLachlin * * * * * * * I watched you walk away from me like I was in a dream. Like it wasn't real. Too much reality. Too *damn* much of it and all at once. I tried to say something, to call after you, but my mouth wasn't listening to my brain. Wouldn't say what I asked it to say. *'Don't go. I love you. You don't need to do this. . .'* I wanted to run after you, even with Michael holding me back, but I kept thinking you'd turn around, you know? That you'd tell me you didn't mean it. That it was just one of those jokes people make when they're nervous and they don't know what else to say. Like you went too far with it. . . Even after you'd disappeared from sight, I thought you'd come back. Aren't dreams the place where anything can happen? Like one minute you're standing on a rock blinking in this damn New Mexican sun, the next there's waves lapping up against the shore that's suddenly appeared at your feet. Ready to wash you away. Or swallow you up. So it wasn't so outrageous that you could have come running back up that ridge. Or tell me that it didn't matter to you -- whatever my so-called 'destiny' was. That you loved me enough to be a part of it. To fight for *us*. For you and me, Liz. I know that's not fair. I know it because I know how you feel. Even if you were *capable* of lying about something like that, about loving me, you *couldn't*, you know? I mean, the alien lie detector is never wrong. . . I know what you did had nothing to do with loving me. Or maybe that's *why* you did it. *Because* you do. I know why you left me today. Or why you *think* you had to leave. I understand that it makes a kind of sense to you. You left because you believed that This, this *whatever* it is, is more important than just you and me. And because you thought that I would feel the same way, but not do anything about it because I'm too noble or something stupid like that. I'm not noble, Liz. I'm *selfish*. I want it all. You. My destiny. My free will. *All of it.* I refuse to believe that I can't make this work. For *all* of us. . . OK, so *not* for Tess, and I feel really badly about that, 'cause she seems so hurt, but. . . but I'm not that person, you know? I just play him on TV. *Sorry, it's not a good time to joke.* * * * * * * * *"Knowing you has made me. . . human."* * * * * * * * Well, Isabel just came in, to try and get me to talk, but also, I think, to get me to change the CD. Yeah, *right*, like Sarah McLachlin is a less introspective choice than Counting Crows. . . I wish I could *do* something for her. She's feeling so many things at once, all bouncing against each other in her head. She's excited to finally have some answers and to 'see' the woman who was our mother, even if she might not be alive anymore. She's scared about what lies ahead of us, too. Who knows what kind of fight we'll have on our hands. Something tells me there' ll be no reasoning with these. . . these people. She's also sad because she's missing Alex, when she's just finally decided to let him in. Like *letting* him in proved something to her. And I *know* that it did. I know it well. See, you gave me something, Liz, that I never thought I'd have -- my *humanity.* Growing up the way I did, in this world, but not of it, I'd come to see myself through its eyes: a *monster*. Knowing I didn't belong, but having no where else to be. Unsure of who or even *what* I was. And so I kept to myself. I spent my *life* behind that tree. Watching. *Hiding.* I knew that my face made me one of them, just another kid on the bus, but *inside*. . . Inside I was something else. I felt like it was obvious, what I was hiding, like 'alien' was written somewhere on my forehead, and it wouldn't be long before everyone would be screaming and running away. Or worse. They'd separate me from Isabel and I'd be all alone. Part of me will always be that scared little kid, all eyes and fear. But something changed for me when I got off the bus that first day of school. Something I didn't expect. *I saw you.* You were just standing there playing with your friends, little girl games and smiles and laughter. Nothing earth-shattering, nothing unusual, nothing that anyone else would have noticed. But *I* noticed. It wasn't the games and the giggles that were different. It was *you.* Maybe it was my alien radar kicking in. Maybe we were on the same frequency even then. I knew, though, the moment I saw you: *you were different.* Was it the warmth in your eyes? Your excitement? Your energy? Or was it something underneath all of that? That inside, even at the age of six, you were already the person you were to become. Kind. Caring. *Compassionate.* Those words weren't in my vocabulary yet, but I understood the feelings they conveyed. And I began a sort of fantasy that would get me through, not only that first day of school, but the rest of my life. That maybe, in spite of all my fears, there was *one* person in this world that *wouldn't* treat me like I was a monster. That wouldn't hate me for what I was. It took me two more years to talk to you and ten more to tell you my deep, dark secret, but in the end, it was worth every minute of waiting. And it still is, Liz. * * * * * * * I got tired of staring out my window tonight and thought I'd see if the stars over your place looked any different. Somehow, they do. Brighter. Clearer. *Closer*. I know I sound like some sappy romance novel, but it's true, Liz. They *do*. Maybe it's because I can imagine you staring up at them at the same time. So. . . You love me. You *love* me. . . That should be enough, shouldn't it? The little buzzy feeling I get in the pit of my stomach when I see you, the way my heart tries to break out of my chest when you smile that smile at me, the way I almost can't control myself when I feel your lips on mine. . . And I refuse to believe this is all about my frigging hormones. (Now that I know I actually have them. . .) *'But you mean everything to me.'* How I feel about you is all tied up in what I feel about myself. You *gave* me that. And you made it OK to be me. . . How can I give that up, Liz? How can I just let you *leave* my life. *Now*. When I need you more than ever? When I *want* you more than ever? Body. Soul. You *own* me, Liz Parker. No matter what happens. No matter how this ends. That's one thing that will never change. I can see the glow from those Christmas lights of yours and I know you're out there on the roof, maybe writing in your journal. Maybe just looking up at the stars. Every nerve in my body is singing and my head is screaming at me to climb that ladder, wipe the tears I know you're crying off that sweet face of yours, and kiss away the pain. To change your mind. But my heart? My heart tells me you need some time. *I* need some time. To work this all out. But believe this, Liz: I *will.* Maybe not tonight. Maybe not even tomorrow. But soon. *Very* soon, Liz. fini - ---------------------------------------------------------------- Visit http://www.xmission.com/~btvs/roswell/ for help and info. - ---------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------ End of roswell-digest V1 #45 **************************** ---------------------------------------------------------------- Visit http://www.xmission.com/~btvs/roswell/ for help and info. ----------------------------------------------------------------